I was in Bucharest, capital of Romania, lying on my bed sleepless with thoughts running rampant through my head. I realized that my way of thinking has changed over the past 4 months and I want to write it all down before I forget it again. To borrow a cliché phrase, this could be the 3^rd metamorphosis of me, when I realized a few truths to myself. Or at least I hope that it is a truth. The first happened when I was in army when I realized that I was abusing my potential and wasting my opportunities. The second happened when I realized that I am flawed and I need to improve myself as I model myself against my peers in SMU. And this time, is when I finally interact with the world. Know yourself and the battle is half won. On this trip, …

1)      I realized that there is so much of the world to see. I mean, I always complained that Singapore is a well with all the frogs croaking about its wet beautiful splendor. I realized that the most important thing is realizing it, and the next most important is to REALIZED it by actions. Carpe diem. Seize the day. Try something new every day. Fight your fears. Just do it.

2)      I met this girl who has done everything I wanted to do. And she is just 19. She knows at least 5 languages (English, French, German, Arabic, Spanish and some others), was in the Youth Olympic Team, started travelling the world when she was 16, trains horses etc…  Did I mention she has a job at a world famous magazine that learned people read? I mean, it is so oh, my, god. Just by talking to her, I want to run a marathon. Aint that a shock?

3)      I realized how lonely everybody is. People who know me should know my callous approach to friendship. Oh hear my wonderful speech about friends being sands on the beach in which you can find many others. I guess that is true in some aspect, but I realized how lonely I am sometimes. I look at the people I used to talk to. I guess distances always play a part. Long distance is hard on any kind of relationship. And yet I’m weak enough to need friends. And vice versa

4)      I realized how blessed I am in Singapore. For the foresight to use English as the first language and Mandarin as the second. For the ability to keep everything clean and safe. For being one of the most well-known islands in the world. And yet I still am irritated by the lack of freedom as compared to the western countries. By shackling us in our minds, we all will be just puppets in grand stage of actors. Why can’t we create thinkers rather than workers?

5)      I am glad that I read so much. Meeting strangers from all over, it always strikes me that I am less shallow than my peers, being able to talk about world stuff. I am also more proud of my Chinese heritage too. I must challenge myself to always try and improve myself, learn new skills and enrich myself with more experiences. I must also learn to appreciate my own heritage.

6)      I realized that I value my freedom. As much as I love my family, a part of me wants to be independent. To wash and ruin my own clothes as I pleased, to cook and poison myself with my dishes. Being at home is the convenience that will encourage my refusal to experience.

I am no longer younger and a good portion of the best parts of my life has been whittled away by a life of gluttony and sloth. I need to act out my changes rather than talking about it. Maybe it will finally fill up the emptiness in my soul. Hopefully.